I thought about it for a while and decided that it wasn't that at all. I just love to be alone to think sometimes, or to have a meaningful conversation with one person, and I often feel like groups of people are incapable of anything but chitchat and banter because in order to have meaning we must open ourselves up and be very personal, which is a lot to risk in groups. I felt a bit better, and continued to meditate, asking to meet my spirit guides.
Anyway while I was sitting there a fifteen year old boy came and sat next to the circle and started talking to me. I felt annoyed by this intrusion and I answered curtly that I was fine thank you, and then turned my attention back to the ocean. I could sense that he felt really awkward and eventually he got up and skipped away. I felt horrible. I know that everyone is our mirror, and that I had just treated this kid like he wasn't worth talking to. I wished he would come back so I could have a second chance at treating him better.
Well about a half hour later he came back and sat on the other side of the circle. He asked me why I was sitting alone and not by the fire with everyone else. I told him I like to meditate and be alone sometimes. I asked where his parents were and he said Dominicalito, which is the next town over. He had no tent, and told me he was cold, so I went to my tent to give him some clothes that would be a bit warmer, and asked him why he was here and not at home. He said he couldn't go back because there were problems, and I asked whether the problem was something he had done or his family. He welled up, paused and said it was his family. I didn't pry him any more, but said good night and went to bed.
The next morning I saw him walking towards me and I felt annoyed again, thinking he was going to keep hanging around me like I was his mother or something. I talked with him for a bit as I ate my salad, and realized he was probably hungry, and since I was full I handed the bowl to him to finish. He ate the whole thing, and then I told him "I don't have very much money, just enough for my food.", so he would know not to keep coming around... Then I realized that I was coming from a place of lack instead of coming from a place of abundance, and it prompted me to say "I will make vegetables and rice for dinner if you'd like some.". He said thank you and left.
My money has been running out way quicker than I anticipated, and I have been feeling a bit stressed out about some difficulties I've been having with technology regarding a couple of programs I'm using for the Good In Tent Project here. Things are much slower here because it's hot, the wifi goes out, and I need to plug in to a source of power, which means I have to buy something from a restaurant to power up my laptop and cameras. I also have to get my water, filter it with my gravity filter, do my laundry in a bucket by hand, go to the market for fruits and veggies, and also film footage, upload it (which takes forever here), and then edit it.
This is the breakdown: I am coming from a place of lack by worrying I will run out of money and therefor the project I created will be ruined by my need to return home to a crappy job, which means I have failed. I lose my connection to the universe when I think small like that. Thinking in an expansive way is much healthier and brings that positivity right back to us.
I looked over at the pile of coconuts next to my tent, and remembered other food that friends have brought me, so I had plenty to share in this moment. Who knows what can happen in the next. So I decided to invite a couple of other friends to dinner as well. If I feel good about things it always attracts more good things into my life, so here's to seeing the beauty in everything and everyone :)
I hope you all have a thoughtful, creative and beautiful day!
From somewhere on the beach in Costa Rica,